Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
