someone threw a dead crab at me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
