What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
