I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
