U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
