He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
