Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The ass gains better be worth it
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