I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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