you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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