I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
