I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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