I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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