I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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