Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
