whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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