between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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