I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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