u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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