Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize