Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
