i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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