hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
