Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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