Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
