my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize