If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
