Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
