do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
