So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
