Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
