Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
