Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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