Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
