Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
