Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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