Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you traded sex for a burrito?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
