I wish I only lived at night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
