dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
