I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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