What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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