It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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