There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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