You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
