We're like a lot better than the average bears
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We had sex on a dog bed..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
