sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
