Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
