yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
