Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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