I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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