This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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