Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
