She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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