Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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