can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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