WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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