My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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