We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize