I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
