i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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