party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
