Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
