Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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