I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
