look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
