FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
