We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
