only if we run a train.
done.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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