I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
