Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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