you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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