I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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