I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
