Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
