Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
