I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I currently don't understand fingers.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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